Lately

There are a lot of things going on lately.

For one, we turned in our preliminary paperwork for adoption. I am SUPER excited. We were the first ones, so hopefully, we will be the first ones processed and the first to begin our homestudy.

I made up announcements for family and friends, and one to put on Facebook. I haven't ordered the ones we are mailing out, because I am still too nervous. They are really pretty, and have the adoption creed printed on them. We also linked to a website we created for our friends and family to follow our progress. It has less info than this blog, because I am not ready to share every gory detail with my entire family, and my husbands extended family too...at least not in that way.

At this point we are taking a break from fertility treatments. We are however, still doing some investigating. We are checking for other causes besides the PCOS for our fertility issues. If you have read this blog for a while, you know that we had this option towards the beginning of this issue, but we thought it was best to wait. Now I wish I had done it then. I am having an HSG this Tuesday, and Greg is having a semen analysis. Once we find out what is happening, the doctor will give us some options. At that time we will decide whether to continue with fertility treatments or to wait a little while.

Frankly, at this point, I feel frustrated with the whole process, and I feel like this can wait a while. I really feel that adoption is what we are supposed to do right now. I feel like our child, or children are waiting, and we need to go find them.

BACK to adoption,

We are trying to practice positive parenting techniques. We are trying to take this very seriously. We were both lucky to have parents who love us so very much, but for different reasons, we both had parents who brought us up in stressful situations. So, sometimes the parenting techniques weren't so perfect. Frankly, it wasn't really different from, as our teacher called it "Good old fashioned American parenting". If you did something wrong, you got scolded and grounded, there was a lot of arguing and that sort of thing. Through positive parenting, you achieve a happier household, and avoid coercion. I really think these techniques make a lot of sense. It was sort of an "Aha!" moment when we talked about them in class. It was like...oh, that makes so much more sense.

Since I am very new to this, I don't want to explain it improperly, so there are some great resources I found online at the bottom of this post. We try to practice a little everyday, although it is difficult since we don't have kids of our own. We just do the role-playing we find online. Hopefully, it will make it more accessible in our minds when the time comes.

http://www.deltabravo.net/cms/plugins/content/content.php?content.351

http://www.4kidsofsfl.org/document.doc?id=34 (this is the actual homework from the class, try using this for when you practice!)

http://www.safechildrencoalition.org/files/document/AdoptionHandbook120402111346.doc (This doesn't really have anything to do with the above post, it was just handy and I found it!)

Meeting

Last Wednesday was meeting 5...maybe 6. I have honestly lost count. I hope they tell us when to stop coming...

Anyways, the adoption coordinator brought with her a lovely girl of about 15 who was in foster care. I can't tell you much about her, to maintain her right to privacy, but it is sufficient to say she had it rough. She had multiple dissapointments and was obviously doing her best to cope. Her story nearly brought me to tears. It was a lot to take in. When asked what she wanted in a family of her own, she said "Someone who will love me and spend time with me." How can that not bring you to tears. How could so many people have quit on this kid? This KID.

As she told us about herself, we both noted how much she had in common with us, and other family members. Greg kept squeezing my hand. I honestly wanted to take her home with me right then. The only issue was that she said she would prefer to be the only child or the youngest child, because younger kids take away a lot of attention. That is a big issue for me. It's really my only deal breaker. I have always known I would have a big family, and if I adopt a teen who doesn't want younger siblings, it could really make it difficult for me to do so. When we talked to the adoption specialist, she said that while she may need some extra attention, most kids want siblings one day and then don't the next, so I shouldn't worry about it too much. I just don't want to sell either of us short. I don't want to have any regrets if I adopt because I feel like I am losing out on my dream, and I don't want her to feel like she isn't getting the love she needs. I don't want to dissapoint her again.

The biggest gain for me that night was watching Greg. Greg really truly felt for this girl, and felt an instant attachment to her. I know it's different for men. Men need to meet their kids before attaching, while women are attached from the moment we pee on the stick, or, in our case, read a profile. I have been showing him pictures of kids that I am interested in, and I had become attached, to their photos and 1 paragraph blurbs. I had read and re-read them, looking for some bit of insight that maybe I had missed before, and all I could get out of him was "yeah, we should think about it." But Wednesday, and Thursday, he did not stop talking about this girl. It really melted my heart.

This week we have really seemed to be able to identify some needs and strengths of our family, which is a big part of this process. I have a need for a large family. We have the strength of a real support system, and that we are both on the same page. We have the strength that we have a family full of fun, diverse people, who all have different things to offer any child we adopt, from music, to girlie things, to help in school, and of course a ton of love!

Start Here.

   I decided to start this blog, because I believe that this can help me as well as other women going through the same things. I am 25, and I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I am married a wonderful man, and we want to have children. PCOS makes that very difficult. We are lucky, because time is still on our side, but we are going to start utilizing that to our advantage. Tomorrow, I am seeing a gynecologist to discuss what steps we need to take to become pregnant.

   I intend to use this blog as a tool to vent frustrations that may arise with the process, and to inform others as to what I learn. There is not enough known, or discussed about PCOS. For information on the disorder, please see the helpful resources to the right of the blog. I will post as many helpful resources as I find.

   About me and my diagnosis: I was 15 when I was diagnosed with PCOS, and hadn't had a regular period since my first one at age 11. I was diagnosed by a gynecologist, after she ran blood tests to check hormone levels and did an ultrasound on my ovaries and saw the cysts.

   Some other things you should know; I am tall, and I was fit until age 11. I gained about 20 lbs that summer, and have continued to gain since. I now weigh 245, and thats after having lost 30lbs this year. I have an issue with facial and body hair (hirsutism), though its not nearly as bad as some girls have. I only have a few dark hairs on my chin which are easily pluck-able, and a couple strays that grow on my face, and exceptionally dark lip hair, which I bleach and wax. I do not get a regular period. I have gone from weeks to years without getting one. I did take the pill while in highschool, but had a lot of side effects, and half the time didn't remember the damn thing anyways. When I took it again in college, I bled a lot and was advised not to take it. 

   I have noticed that when I am dieting and exercising, or very active, I do tend to get a period. For instance, for the 4 months before my wedding, when I was working full time, plus planning a wedding, I had a semi-regular, though very light, period.

A lot of girls have insulin resistance with PCOS. I am lucky so far. My sugars have always been normal. My doctor put me on Metformin in high school, but I was, and still am, afraid of taking medicines I do not need. However, I have done some research and found that Metformin also helps prevent insulin resistance, so I am open to trying it again.

That's a (not so brief) history of my life with PCOS. I am trying to be thorough so that those who are just learning about this disorder have a good understanding. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or comments.