It's Mother's Day, and I am so glad to have 2 moms! My parents split when I was a kid, and I really know it was for the best. My dad remarried a great lady and now I have two wonderful moms, and I was lucky enough to have known 3 grandmothers in my life; my maternal grandmother, my paternal grandmother, and my stepgrandmother. I am so lucky to have been surrounded by so many wonderful, amazing, powerful females.
There is sadness for me here too, since I am no closer to being a mother myself. It is hard to think about sometimes. Of course, now that I am married and all, my husband and I are constantly asked when we are going to have kids, and we just tell everyone we are waiting till things settle down.
Hubbys eagerness to have kids is definitely getting harder to hide now that his brothers girlfriend is pregnant, and in her third trimester. That concerns me for a lot of reasons. For one, people may realize that we are having difficulty getting pregnant, and that will feel like failure to me. I don't want sympathetic looks, or pity, or any of that. I don't want people to know, at least right now, that we are havng a problem getting pregnant. I just can't handle that. Another concern is that they will think that I don't want children and he does, and that I am holding him back. I don't want people to think that we aren't happy or are having marital issues, when nothing could be further than the truth!
That leads to my biggest concern. What if he starts to get frustrated and really does start to resent that I can not get pregnant naturally? What if this does cause a rift in our marriage? It probably is a non-issue, and probably not something I actually have to worry about, but all the same...
Today it is especially hard to be infertile, because I think about all the wonderful things about being a mom, and all the things that I will probably not like when I am a mom (late nights, early mornings, cleaning up messes) and thinks about how great even those things sound right now.
I saw this on postsecret this morning: