How I Met Your Mother and Infertility and Parents

Greg and I love love love How I Met Your Mother. We have been watching from the beginning on Netflix.

There is an episode where Marshall and Lilly see a RE. Lilly checks out, so Marshall thinks the issue is him. He is embarrassed to tell his parents, but when he does...his dad says ALL the things we wish our parents would.

I started crying. I can't find the exact script, but it was absolutely great. The name of the episode is "Bad News".

Infertility gets a bad rap on TV. It's always the woman's fault, and she always gets pregnant in the next episode like there was no issue. They actually say that Marshall and Lilly are fine, no issues, and it's a while before they have kids anyways. Even if they were pregnant in the next episode, they said that they do not have fertility issues, instead of having a "miraculous" pregnancy.

Way to go HIMYM. Way to go.

Surprise!

Not really. No ovulation again. We are doing another round of Femara. I really really really really want this to work!

I called my prescription insurance people....that was fun. I just wanted to get an idea of what injectables would cost me. It's pricey, but not NEARLY as pricey as I thought. It sounds like is will cost me about $200 each cycle of injectables, but I have to get prior authorization from my insurance company, by having my doctor call and whatever...SO MUCH FUN.

CD21

It's day 21 of this cycle, and I am pretty sure its a dud. I can't get the progesterone test today, thanks to it being a saturday, so I will LH test tomorrow and go for the blood test first thing Monday.

Here is what scares me about TTC: the next step is injectables. We can try another cycle with monitoring on Femara, but I am on the max dosage, so I don't know what that would do. The issue with injectables is the cost. Without insurance, the cost of one cycle is around $2000 usually. I am super concerned that my insurance isn't going to cover it. I guess a phone call is in order. If our insurance doesn't cover it, we will have to stop fertility treatments, at least for the time being. I'm not super worried about that, since my heart isn't set on this anyways. I also don't know if ivf is something I am willing to consider, since again, the cost is so high and there is no guarantee that you will get pregnant, plus there are a lot of risks. I understand why some women will do it, but I don't know if it's for me.

Back on the journey...

So, I realized today, when looking at my WomanLogPro calendar, that day 21 of this cycle is Saturday.

I have mixed feelings. I am pretty sure I didn't ovulate. I didn't even bother calling CVS because I am pretty positive that I didn't, and that one OPK was a fluke. However, I also realize that I have to look at this like a marathon, and not a sprint. I am only in my 4th assisted cycle. I am only on my second drug. There are still options.

I think, what I need to do is to find a way to give fertility treatments the best shot I can, while not getting too frustrated with the process. Which means not obsessing over whether the LH test is darker today than yesterday, but also it means remembering to test....EVERY day. In any case, this blog is changing as I go. I guess now it is the journey to parenthood, and not necessarily strictly about TTC.

After my dad expressed concerns about adoption, I did a lot of research to see if I could find a way to discuss it with him. I did, and I also found some good books on the subject. Expect some book reviews in the next few days. Monday my dad and stepmom are coming for dinner, and we want to talk to them about the adoption process a little more. I really hope all goes well. We aren't going to adopt until after we finish infertility treatments one way or another, but we do want to at least start getting every one on board.

Blegh...

So, I wanted to get a book for my parents about adoption. I found like 10 online, and wrote down the titles. We went to the bookstore and they had...wait for it...NO books on adoption. NONE. Not a single one. So now I will have to order them online and pay shipping.

What to think?

I have been debating what to post for the past few days, if anything.

I have been LH testing, although I will admit I have not been as diligent as I was with past cycles. As evidence of this point, here is a fun story for you;

The second day of LH testing, I took the test, then left the house....without checking the results. HOURS later, I got home, went to the bathroom and saw the test sitting on the counter. "SHIT" was my first thought. Then I looked and saw that there was a little sliver of the line that was as dark as the control line....WHAT?!?!? Obviously, this test can't be trusted, because the results were a couple hours old. And then I pretty much forgot about it until Saturday, when I was cleaning the bathroom and saw my test from Saturday, which was already a couple hours old, and DIDN'T have two lines. So now I am thinking maybe I did ovulate?

After checking Pee On A Stick, I still have no clue. Apparently it depends on the brand of the stick as to whether or not half a line counts as positive. She also says that there is a time limit, but it is also brand dependant. So I guess I have a phone call to make. I still am testing every day and still no (other) surge, so I am hoping that that wasn't my surge, since it would have been weirdly early in my cycle.

I think I am a late ovulator, because the one time they saw anything, it was past day 21. Maybe I should ask the doctor about progesterone testing later in the cycle?

*UPDATE* I did call CVS, and they had no clue, but are going to have their manufacturers contact me. I also noticed, however, that the box the tests came in say to compare to Answer brand. So on POAS it says that the dark half of the line must be 50% or more of the line, which mine wasn't.

Pretty when pregnant

Pregnant ladies have to stay away from lots of things that they can usually enjoy. Fish, alcohol, caffeine, peanut butter (small amounts are ok), soft cheeses, select beauty products,and a lot more.

 I thought this nail polish that doesn't contain the toxic chemicals that normal nail polish does was pretty cool, and will order one to test out and compare to my normal brand, Essie. Until that review is up, here is the link if you want to check it out yourself!

BY THE WAY! It is best to remove your nail polish when you go to the doctor, or before you go to deliver the baby. The color of your nail beds can help the doctor determine if you or your baby are ok.

These color names cracked me up! I love naked tones, so here was my favorite!

Let the waiting begin!

Ok! Yesterday was the last day of Femara! Today I think will be the end of my period. THANK GOODNESS!

Now I need to wait till the 19th to start LH testing (I will probably start tomorrow), and hopefully I will ovulate. Greg is going to get a semen analysis scheduled ASAP, because frankly, I just don't want to take ANY chances! They can do an IUI if necessary. I am seriously considering saying do it either way, just to be sure.

I will let you know if anything happens!

The last few days

Well, the orientation was really great. We learned a lot! It eased both of our nerves on some things, and raised some questions in other places. Basically, they talked about who is a good candidate for fostering and adopting, some of the legalities, and some other basics. We got a big packet of paperwork to fill out about us and our families and our views on parenting. We have to fill it out, send it back and hope they send us an invitation to the MAPP classes.

I was pretty excited about all of this, since our families know, and have been excited about us having kids. Then, I sent my dad a text asking about the dates of his and my moms divorce, and said I needed it for our adoption packet. He called me back a little later to tell us not to rush into having kids. He said he wants us to "enjoy just being married" for a while, and that there will be plenty of time for kids later. I know he is just concerned for us, but what upset me is that I know this has nothing to do with kids in general. This has to do with adoption. When we told him we were undergoing fertility treatments to have a baby he was really excited. I have shared with him and my stepmom about how much I despise the fertility drugs and the way they make me feel on multiple occassions. And I am STILL taking them. I haven't stopped trying to have a biological child. But whether or not we do, Greg and I have always known that we would want to adopt. I have always known that some of my children would come to me through adoption. Anyways, I was hurt. And pretty mad.

It has a lot to do with people's misinformation about adoption. Children who are available for adoption are not drug addicted terrors who have suffered too much trauma to have healthy happy lives. They are CHILDREN who have had some difficulty, most come from backgrounds of neglect, not abuse, and have undergone counseling, and live in foster homes who have helped them understand what normal is. They are not to be feared, or even pitied. They should be loved. If you have ever considered fostering or adopting, contact adoptuskids.com and find out about the orientation classes. You aren't signing any papers saying you are definitely doing it. You are just going to learn more.

I am such a baby!

I don't know whether it's just my period, or if I am just having a rough week, or it was the Femara, but since last night EVERYTHING makes me cry. Not like...eyes get a little misty...think about the first time you saw the commercial with the sad doggies and the Sarah McLaughlin song....like that. All baby related, of course. I cried when I saw that Band-Aid commercial with the kids singing, and I cried when I saw a pregnancy test commercial. I cried when I was putting stuff away in what hopefully will be a baby's room.

I am having a rough time because, as far as the fertility thing goes, I don't know how much longer we will try. I want to have children more than anything, but these drugs really throw me for a loop. Maybe I am just a chicken, but my periods make me absolutely miserable. I just feel like there has to be a better, easier way.

I may not blog for a little while, just to keep my mind off of it, unless I really have something to report. In which case, let's review the facts; This is my first Femara cycle, started on the highest dosage. I seem to not ovulate with Clomid, so I am trying to remain hopeful for this cycle.Today is CD 4, so I will start testing in 6 days, on the 16th. I will definitely let you know if I get a positive LH, and how our MAPP classes go.

Greg has been a trooper. That first day of my cycle was absolutely miserable. I had the worst cramps I have had yet, to the point that I was dizzy. I actually left work early on Saturday, which was two days before CD1, because I felt so ill all the sudden, and it was just downhill after that. Greg got me tea, and  kept my heating pads hot, and did dishes and made dinner and such. I don't know what I would do without him.

Femara Night One

Took my Femara tonight! 3 teensy tiny little yellow pills!

I always take my meds at night because I have reasoned that that way I may sleep through some of the side effects. I can't imagine the Provera making me feel any worse than it does, but I figure that if it does get worse, I can sleep through it!

Femara

So, I picked up my Femara today. I will be taking (3) 2.5 milligram pills once a day for 5 days, meaning that I am on the max dosage of 7.5 milligrams. It cost me $7.50 for the bottle with my insurance. I wish I could tell you how much it is without.

Today has been a rough day. I am pretty emotional, and I don't know how much longer I can deal with the anxiety that comes with TTC. I was really let down by the last cycle, and Clomid in general.

My doctor had good intentions when he was so confident, but I think it would have been better to ensure that I understood that this is a long process, and that just because one treatment doesn't work, doesn't mean that one of the treatments won't work.

The hardest thing for me is the sitting and waiting. At certain points in the process, it's just sort of out of your hands. You take your pills, you wait for a little line. If you don't get a little line, you wait for your period, and then the process starts again. If you DO get a little line, you have a lot of sex, then wait for a DIFFERENT little line. Then IF you get that second little line, and you have fertility issues, you wait to make sure it sticks.

It's a LOT of waiting, and it is emotional, and difficult to accept that you have done all you can for that point in time.

Greg and I have always known that we would adopt at some point in time. We have decided to start our path to adoption alongside TTC. It doesn't mean we will stop fertility treatments, and it doesn't mean we will adopt right away. We just want to be ready when the time is right. Thursday is the MAPP class orientation. I am pretty excited to learn more about the process.

Provera

So, I reported today as CD1, since yesterday was just spotting. Last night was pretty awful. My stomach cramps are just the worst, and my head hurts and I am having some dizziness and I am continuously cold! I don't have a fever, so it's just menstrual symptoms. Gross.

I talked to the nurse, Joy, who was very nice. They are putting me on Femara this cycle since the doctor wasn't satisfied with my progress on Clomid. I take three pills every morning starting Tuesday for 5 days. I will LH test and then have a progesterone test on CD 21. Here is a link to some info on Femara.

I also asked if I could do something besides Provera if I have to do another cycle, because that stuff sucks. She said she would talk to the doctor about it.

Let The Cycle Begin!

Started spotting today! Tomorrow will probably count as CD1

Absense...

I haven't been blogging a lot lately. I finished the Provera a day ago, and I am having a ton of headaches. Not fun. That's really all the news that's fit to print, except that most foods taste funny, and I don't know which drug is causing it.